What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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