i just had sex bonerless
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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