Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
