I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
did i just pee glitter
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize