my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
