remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
