Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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