she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
