I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dick very happy bro
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
