honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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