Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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