If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
