You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
