I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize