I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
