I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
