question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize