Christians are straight up FREAKS
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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