I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
