the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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