omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
