Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
