Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
