The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sex in a hospital.. check
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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