Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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