I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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