I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
