dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
