I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
