Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
