sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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