Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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