Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
