I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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