the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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