can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
