What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
