I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
