i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
