i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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