have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
