You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
