Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Terrible idea I love it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
