i need an iv and a liver transplant
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I did not marry a roomba.
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