Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
