I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
