i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
