Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
