I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
