chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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