I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I could fuck to npr.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
