I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she looked like the before picture.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
