He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
