Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
