I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize