guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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