Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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