My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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