So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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