if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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