Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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