Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
