my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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