thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
