and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize