Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
