Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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