Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
