i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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