Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
