She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
