omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
