Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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