so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A+ Viking dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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