now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
