he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
