having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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