there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
