i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
