i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize