he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
