i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
