I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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