i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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