Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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