Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
