a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
