I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
