We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize