When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
