no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
