Where did you get a picture of my penis
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
ok first of all what the fuck
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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