You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
