Got a toothbrush?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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