Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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