I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
