3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
