Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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