Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I checked into jail on foursquare
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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