god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
