what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
