you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize