i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
