So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
