I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
