apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
